Thursday, September 11, 2008

Thursday

I have decided, I really, really, f**king hate MS/Fibro/Heart; I really do! I have been feeling sorry for myself over the past day cause I had to fill in two lousy garden beds (each was 4'by10') on Wednesday, as I just can't do the work involved with the gardening. It was very upsetting to me to have to give in to this stupid disease; I like being in control! I spent Wednesday pulling the flowers out of the garden beds, and moved them into the veggie bed that is behind those two. Its about 25'by 12', and at this rate I will probably have to fill them in next year:( I got almost everything moved except for two very large hosta's, and spent half of the time crying while doing it. I need to give myself a swift kick in the butt, as I know that there are so many people out there in much worse shape than I am, but right now, I just see one more layer of my independence being ripped away.

Now I am up at 4am writing this because I was too sore to lie in the bed any longer! Guess I overdid it yesterday. Today, whenever the pain medication kicks in will be spent in bed trying to catch up, and let my body rest. It does give me time to think about where this illness is going to take me down the road...it seems to be progressing very quickly, but I know (hope) that I will feel so much better in the winter months. I hate the cold, snow and ice, but I do physically feel like I can do more, or at least in the past I have.

Well, just wanted to get that little rant off my chest, hubs wasn't exactly a huge support when he came home and saw what I was doing. All he said was "Oh, filling in the gardens are you?" and then he went to the YMCA. You would think that after all of these years being together, he would have realized how traumatic it is for me to have to put grass seed out rather than flower seeds! I thankfully, have a good group of ladies in an online Yahoo group that are in the same boat physically as me. I can go there and bitch all I want (if I have the energy to type that is) and they KNOW what I am going through.

Wooly hugs to you my precious blogging friends,
Trudy

PS Cyndi, Cindy, and Rondell..I just noticed that your packages are still in the back of the car, I haven't actually mailed them out to you yet. Please forgive me, I will get them in the post by the weekend:(